There will be a day

By Sasha Roxanna A month or so before I lost my sister, I remember driving by a funeral home. It was a beautiful Florida day - sunny but not humid, a cool breeze emphasizing the break in summer.  As we sat at the red light, a group of people exited the funeral home, all dressed in black. Some crying, some comforting, some talking.  The light changed and I remarked to my friend, "It must be so weird to be at a funeral, going through a terrible loss, and outside, the world is so beautiful - so perfect." The day my sister died, it rained. It started as a day of sunshine, but by the afternoon, the sky was dark, the wind cold, and the rain hard. As the days passed, and I went back to work, it became disconcerting that the world was still spinning, that the whole world didn't know about the loss it had endured.  I remember people in the elevator, greeting each other with holiday cheer, carrying shopping bags, wearing candy cane smiles and hearing songs of Christmas in the air. I'd been back at work for two days and the whole office left to go to the annual holiday party. I was invited but couldn't fathom going. I stayed and manned the phones.  An attorney walked in from across the hall, just to say "hi". When I told him that no one was around because they were all at the office luncheon, he wondered why I wasn't with them. I answered, "My sister died a week ago today. I wasn't in the mood." Awkward, I know. One of the hardest things about losing someone you love is finding a way to move forward, with everyone else.  Somehow, you have to go back to work and listen to people making plans, telling jokes, asking questions, celebrating life.  How can people just forget? How do they not notice how dark the world has become?   Life keeps moving, and somehow you have to find a way to keep moving forward too -slowly at first.  But it's important to remember that there will be a day where your world starts to have light again.  Where you can laugh' and where you can find joy in the tasks and hobbies you previously loved. There will be a day where you can think about your loved one without choking up. Of course there will also be days where you will cry like it was yesterday. Or where you will be angry and irritable with everyone and everything. Like with everything in life, you will feel the full spectrum of emotions.  And, of course, life will never go back to what it was. You will never go back to who you were.  But life keeps going - and it will bring you light and it will bring you joy, hope, awe again. Take it a day at time, an hour at a time. Take each minute for what it is.  Remember that change is gradual. Nothing happens overnight. Take your time. Sometimes you will step back, sometimes you will make great leaps forward.  But you should always keep hope.

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